Divorce Fears
Most married folks know how hard maintaining a marriage can be. There will definitely be ups and downs. But when you really find yourself thinking about divorce, it can be a scary thought. Letting those scary thoughts gain momentum can lead to a spiral. And making decisions from that place of fear usually leads to bad decisions.
If you find yourself having persistent thoughts of divorce, the first thing to do is give yourself space to feel those thoughts and feelings and then try to move your decision-making to the rational and logical parts of your brain and out of those fear areas. Find a professional that can help you process what you are really feeling, like a therapist or marriage counselor.
Additionally, Some really simple things to think about if those fears are really creeping in and you just need to remind yourself not to jump off a ledge:
If you feel this way, maybe your spouse does too. A Marriage Counselor, or Discernment counselor might really be able to help you both quell the fears around talking about if you can move forward or amicably separate.
It does not have to be a fight. Many people's main impressions of divorce are court litigated battles that we often see in movies. There are many ways to navigate a better divorce more suited to better outcomes for your family, especially when children are involved. Alternative Dispute Resolution provides options through Mediation, Arbitration and even Collaborative Divorce which are all processes that can be less combative and more cost efficient than lawyering up.
If you know a fight is inevitable, start getting prepared. Start gathering statements from your bank accounts and credit cards. Get copies of the mortgage statement, auto loans, and any other assets that you own, like rental properties and retirement assets. Make sure you have access to credit in your own name. And start thinking about your financial future. Having a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst® on your side to review the financial situation can take a lot of fight out of the process by showing that you can both be okay going forward. (Often, both parties are fighting the fear of poverty)
Finally, know that there is help out there. You do not have to do it alone. Often, people just think of the attorney, but there are Divorce Coaches that can help you make better decisions and Counselors that will give you someone completely neutral to talk to about what you are going through. Getting help in the right place can save a lot of money and reduce the emotional harm that inevitably accompanies divorce.
If you have any questions about the divorce process or need a referral to some of the Divorce Professionals mentioned above, Contact us here. Getting some quick questions answered is always a good place to start.